The Mom Test — Cliff Notes
Full title: The Mom Test: How to talk to customers and learn if your business is a good idea when everybody is lying to you Author: Rob Fitzpatrick | Published: 2013 | Pages: ~130 Core thesis: Customer conversations are the foundation of startup validation, but almost everyone does them wrong. This book teaches you how to ask questions that produce truthful, useful data — questions so good that even your mom can't lie to you about them.
Chapter 1: The Mom Test (The Three Rules)
The problem: You shouldn't ask anyone whether your business is a good idea — not in those words. Your mom will lie to you the most (because she loves you), but it's a bad question that invites everyone to lie at least a little. It's not anyone else's responsibility to show you the truth. It's your responsibility to find it by asking good questions.
The Mom Test is three rules:
- Talk about their life instead of your idea
- Ask about specifics in the past instead of generics or opinions about the future
- Talk less and listen more
When you do it right, they won't even know you have an idea.
The book's central example: A son asks his mom about his idea for an iPad cookbook app. He leads her with "You like your iPad, right?", pitches features, and interprets her polite "that sounds amazing" as validation. She was lying to protect his feelings. He quits his job. Nobody buys the app.
The fixed version: Instead of pitching, he asks what she last cooked, how she found the recipe, whether she uses her iPad for cooking, and what she spends money on for the kitchen. Her answers — she uses the family recipe box, never cooks from her iPad, and her last kitchen purchase was a $25 knife — would have killed the idea before a single line of code was written.
The good question / bad question game:
| Bad Questions (Fail the Mom Test) | Why They Fail | Good Alternatives |
|---|---|---|
| "Do you think it's a good idea?" | Only the market can tell you that. Everything else is opinion. | Ask about their current workflow, what they love/hate, what they've tried. |
| "Would you buy a product which did X?" | Hypothetical + seeking approval. The answer is almost always "yes." | Ask how they currently solve X, how much it costs them, have they searched for better options. |
| "How much would you pay for X?" | Feels rigorous because of the number. It's not. | Ask how much the problem costs them. Ask what they currently pay. |
| "What would your dream product do?" | Okay only if you dig into the WHY behind each request. | Ask why they want those features. The motivation is gold; the request is noise. |
| Good Questions (Pass the Mom Test) | Why They Work |
|---|---|
| "Why do you bother?" | Gets from the perceived problem to the real one. Points toward motivations. |
| "What are the implications of that?" | Separates must-solve problems from annoying-but-whatever problems. |
| "Talk me through the last time that happened." | Shows, not tells. Anchors to real behavior, not hypothetical opinions. |
| "What else have you tried?" | Reveals solution-seeking behavior. If they haven't searched, they don't really care. |
| "How are you dealing with it now?" | Gives you a price anchor and reveals your real competition. |
| "Who else should I talk to?" | Multiplies your conversations. If they won't refer you, you've got a problem. |
| "Is there anything else I should have asked?" | Gives them permission to fix your line of questioning. They will. |
Key rules of thumb from this chapter:
- Customer conversations are bad by default. It's your job to fix them.
- Opinions are worthless.
- Anything involving the future is an over-optimistic lie.
- People will lie to you if they think it's what you want to hear.
- People know what their problems are, but they don't know how to solve them.
- If they haven't looked for ways of solving it already, they're not going to look for (or buy) yours.
- While it's rare for someone to tell you precisely what they'll pay you, they'll often show you what it's worth to them.
Chapter 2: Avoiding Bad Data (Compliments, Fluff, and Ideas)
The core insight: Bad data gives you false negatives (thinking the idea is dead when it's not) and — more dangerously — false positives (convincing yourself you're right when you're not). There are three types of bad data:
1. Compliments
Most meetings end with a compliment. It feels good. It's almost certainly a lie. Compliments are the fool's gold of customer learning: shiny, distracting, and worthless.
How to deflect: The best way to escape compliments is to avoid them entirely by not mentioning your idea. When compliments arrive anyway, ignore them and get back to the business of gathering facts and commitments. If they say "That's really cool!", don't say thank you and move on — say "Thanks, but tell me more about how you're handling this today."
2. Fluff
Fluff comes in three forms:
- Generic claims: "I usually...", "I always...", "I never..."
- Future-tense promises: "I would...", "I will..."
- Hypothetical maybes: "I might...", "I could..."
The world's most deadly fluff is: "I would definitely buy that." It sounds like money in the bank. It's not. People are wildly optimistic about the future. The first startup Fitzpatrick worked at fell for this trap and lost about 10 million dollars. They mistook fluffy promises and excited compliments for commitment.
How to anchor fluff: Every time someone gives you a generic or hypothetical statement, anchor it to a specific past event. "I would totally do X" becomes "When's the last time you actually did X?" If they did it recently, the fluff was real. If they never did it, the fluff was noise.
3. Ideas and Feature Requests
When conversations go well, people "flip" to your side of the table and start listing ideas and feature requests. Write them down, but don't obey them. The request itself is noise. The motivation behind the request is gold.
How to dig beneath ideas: Ask "Why do you want that?", "What would that let you do?", "How are you coping without it?" You're not building the product by committee. You're understanding the motivations and constraints behind their requests.
The Pathos Problem
If anyone detects that your ego is on the line, they'll give you fluffy mis-truths and extra compliments. The main source of compliment-creation is seeking approval, either intentionally ("Do you think it's a good idea?") or inadvertently (being visibly excited about your idea). If you've mentioned your idea, people will try to protect your feelings.
Chapter 3: Asking Important Questions (The Scary Ones)
The problem: Once you learn the Mom Test and start asking non-biasing questions, you might over-compensate by asking completely trivial ones. Asking someone's age isn't biasing, but it doesn't move your business forward either. You have to apply the Mom Test to the questions that actually matter.
The solution: Every time you talk to someone, you should be asking a question which has the potential to completely destroy your currently imagined business. You should be terrified of at least one of the questions you're asking in every conversation.
Imagine your company has failed — why did that happen? Now imagine it's a huge success — what had to be true to get there? Find ways to learn about those critical pieces.
Love bad news
Learning that your idea is wrong is solid data. It's progress. Failure to find bad news in time costs far more than facing it early. One of the reasons we avoid important questions is because they're scary and can bring the upsetting realisation that our favourite idea is fundamentally flawed. Learn to love bad news — it saves you from pouring time and money into something doomed.
If you get a lukewarm response, don't "up your game" and pitch harder. Their lukewarm response already gave you the truth. The only thing to gain from convincing them are false positives. There's more reliable information in a "meh" than a "Wow!"
Look before you zoom
Don't zoom into problem details before confirming the problem matters. If someone doesn't go to the gym, asking about their biggest barrier to gym-going gives you data that seems like validation but is actually worthless. They'll answer, because you asked — but the whole area of fitness isn't something they care enough about to act on. Their #1 fitness problem is still an unimportant one.
The fix: Start wide to see if they care about the category at all. "What are your big goals and focuses right now?" If your area doesn't show up naturally, it's probably not a must-solve problem for them.
Sometimes you already know the problem category matters (e.g., marketing for small businesses). In that case, you can safely zoom in immediately. But if you're entering a new segment, always start wide.
Gaze upon the elephant
Some startups depend on multiple conditions being true. The teachers might need your tool AND their school might need to have budget for it. It's tempting to obsess over the most interesting failure point and ignore the others. Don't. If any critical condition doesn't exist, you have to significantly overhaul your idea.
Prepare your list of 3
Always pre-plan the 3 most important things you want to learn from any given type of person. These questions will change — just choose the 3 that seem murkiest or most important right now. Doing so gives you firmer footing and a better sense of direction for your next 3.
You don't need to repeat the full set with every participant. If you got reliable data on question 1 from customer A, start at question 2 with customer B.
Chapter 4: Keeping It Casual (No Meetings Required)
The problem: Steve Blank recommended a 3-meeting series: first about their problem, second about your solution, third to sell. In practice, Fitzpatrick found this too slow and expensive. A 1-hour meeting really costs 4 hours with scheduling, commuting, and prep. Early on, he wasn't credible enough to get formal meetings at all.
The solution: Keep it casual. You don't need meetings, formal interviews, or even business cards. If you run into a relevant person at a conference, transition immediately to your most important question: "Hey, I'm curious — how did you end up getting this gig?" When you strip all the formality from the process, you end up with no meetings, no interview questions, and a much easier time.
The 5-minute chat: Good conversations can happen in 5 minutes at a coffee shop, a conference hallway, or a dinner party. The Mom Test works anywhere because you're not pitching — you're just having an interesting conversation about someone's life and work.
The rule: If it's not a formal meeting, you don't need to make excuses about why you're there or even mention that you're starting a business. Just have a good conversation. Give as little information as possible about your idea while still nudging the discussion in a useful direction.
Chapter 5: Commitment and Advancement (Separating Real from Fake)
The problem: Once you start showing product and asking for opinions, you invite compliments. People will keep taking meetings, saying nice things, but never writing checks. Your startup gets friend-zoned. These are "zombie leads."
The key concepts:
- Commitment: They give up something they value — time, reputation, or money.
- Advancement: They move to the next step of your real-world funnel.
These usually arrive together. An introduction to their boss (reputation commitment) moves the deal forward (advancement).
Every meeting either succeeds or fails. There's no such thing as a meeting that just "went well." You've lost the meeting if you leave with only a compliment or stalling tactic.
How real meetings end (ranked from bad to good):
| Meeting Ending | Verdict |
|---|---|
| "That's so cool. I love it!" | Bad. Pure compliment. Zero data. |
| "Looks great. Let me know when it launches." | Bad. Compliment + stall. Polite "don't call me, I'll call you." |
| "There are a couple people I can introduce you to when you're ready." | Meh. Potential, but vague. Push for a specific intro now. |
| "What are the next steps?" | Good. They're driving the process forward. |
| "Can I buy the prototype?" | Great. Strongest possible validation signal. |
| "When can you come back to talk to the rest of the team?" | Good. They're pulling you into their organization. |
Crazy customers and your first sale
First customers are crazy — crazy in a good way. They want what you're making so badly they'll be the first to try it. Steve Blank calls them "earlyvangelists." They have the problem, know they have it, have budget for it, and have already cobbled together their own workaround.
Keep an eye out for emotional intensity. There's a significant difference between "Yeah, that's a problem" and "THAT IS THE WORST PART OF MY LIFE AND I WILL PAY YOU RIGHT NOW TO FIX IT." When you see the deep emotion, keep that person close.
In early-stage sales, the real goal is learning. Revenue is just a side-effect.
Chapter 6: Finding Conversations (Cold to Warm)
The strategy: The goal of cold conversations is to stop having them. Hustle together the first one or two, then convert those into warm introductions. The snowball starts rolling.
Tactics:
| Method | How It Works |
|---|---|
| Cold outreach | Email, LinkedIn, calls. 98 out of 100 will ignore you. The 2 who respond are all you need to start the intro chain. |
| Seizing serendipity | Overhear someone at a party mention your domain? Walk over and ask your most important question. It's not weird — it's an interesting conversation. |
| Going to them | Conferences, meetups, industry events, online communities. You're there to learn, not to sell. |
| Bringing them to you | Host meetups, workshops, dinners. Teaching is a powerful way to build authority and attract conversations. |
| Warm intros | The gold standard. Use your existing network, advisors, investors, professors. Ask every conversation: "Who else should I talk to?" |
| 7 degrees of Kevin Bacon | Everyone knows someone. Stand on a chair in a coworking space and ask if anyone knows a McKinsey consultant. Three beers and three conversations later, you've got a diary full of intros. |
| Landing pages | Collect emails and reach out for conversations. Organise and teach to build a following of people you can ask for feedback. |
How to frame the meeting: If you need a formal meeting, the best frames are vision/advice/help. Lead with your vision for how the industry could be better, ask for their advice on how to make it real, and give them a chance to help. People love feeling like experts and mentors.
Don't ever say "Can I interview you?" or "Do you have time for a quick meeting?" Instead: "I'm trying to understand how [domain] works and [mutual friend] said you were the best person to learn from."
Keep having conversations until you stop hearing new stuff. If every conversation still has surprises, keep going. If the last 5 people all said the same thing, you probably have enough signal to make a decision.
Chapter 7: Choosing Your Customers (Segmentation)
The problem: Startups don't starve, they drown. Too many options, too many leads, too many ideas. When you try to serve everyone, you serve no one. Your marketing is generic, your features bloat, and your conversations produce mixed signals because you're talking to fundamentally different types of people.
The examples: Google started by helping PhD students find obscure code. eBay started with Pez dispensers. Evernote started with moms sharing recipes. Before you can serve the whole world, you have to serve someone specific.
Customer Slicing: Take a broad segment and keep slicing into narrower sub-sets until you have a specific enough group that you can find them and talk to them. Ask:
- Within this group, who would want it most?
- Would everyone in this group buy/use it, or only some?
- Why do they want it? What's their specific problem or goal?
- What are they already doing to achieve that goal?
- Where can we find these people?
Then choose your starting segment based on who is most profitable, easy to reach, and rewarding to build for.
The "babies or body builders" story: A woman with a nutritional powdered condiment was running in circles because bodybuilders, restaurants, and moms all wanted different things. By getting specific — moms with young kids who shop at independent health food stores — she could cut through the noise and start making progress. She placed her product beside breakfast foods in small stores (a commitment ask!) and came back in a week to see what happened.
If 10 conversations produce 10 different stories, your segment is too broad. Narrow it until you hear consistent patterns.
Chapter 8: Running the Process (Prep, Review, Notes)
The learning bottleneck
The most common and dangerous anti-pattern: one person goes to all the meetings and then tells the rest of the team what to do. This creates a de-facto dictator with "The customer said so" as the ultimate trump card. But it's easy to misinterpret what the customer said.
Fitzpatrick bottlenecked so hard that his CTO quit, saying "We're never going to succeed if you keep changing what we're doing."
The fix has three parts:
1. Prepping
Before each conversation, ensure you know your current list of 3 big questions. Figure them out with your team. Face the scary questions. If you're far enough along, also know what commitment you'll push for.
2. Reviewing
After each conversation, review your notes with your team. Talk through key quotes, main takeaways, and any problems you encountered. Also discuss the meta-level: which questions worked, which didn't, what can you improve?
Disseminate learnings as quickly and directly as possible using notes and exact quotes. It keeps you in sync, prevents arguments, and allows your whole team to benefit.
3. Who should show up
Two people per meeting is ideal — one talks, one takes notes. Everyone on the team making big decisions needs to attend at least some meetings. You can't outsource customer learning. When a hired researcher brings you bad news, properly assimilating it is nearly impossible.
How to write it down
Good notes are the best way to keep your team in sync and to prevent lying to yourself. Capture exact quotes, emotional signals, their specific pain points, follow-up commitments, and your key takeaways. Review the notes with your team same-day.
Fitzpatrick uses shorthand symbols during conversations:
- :) excited
- :( unhappy
- :| indifferent
- ☐ feature request
- ⨅ money/budget signal
- ☑ commitment or next step
The Cheatsheet (From the Book's Conclusion)
The 8 Key Skills
- Asking good questions (Ch. 1 & 3)
- Avoiding bad data (Ch. 2)
- Keeping it casual (Ch. 4)
- Pushing for commitment and advancement (Ch. 5)
- Framing the meeting (Ch. 6)
- Customer segmentation (Ch. 7)
- Prepping and reviewing (Ch. 8)
- Taking notes (Ch. 8)
The 5 Mistakes and Their Symptoms
| Mistake | Symptoms |
|---|---|
| 1. Fishing for compliments | "I'm thinking of starting a business… do you think it'll work?" |
| 2. Exposing your ego (The Pathos Problem) | "So here's the top-secret project I quit my job for… what do you think?" |
| 3. Being pitchy | "No no, I don't think you get it…" / "Yes, but it also does this!" |
| 4. Being too formal | "So, first off, thanks for agreeing to this interview…" |
| 5. Being a learning bottleneck | "You just worry about the product. I'll learn what we need to know." |
Process: Before, During, and After
Before:
- Know your current list of 3 big questions
- Know what commitment/next step you'll push for
- Do your research on the person you're meeting
During:
- Frame it as a learning conversation, not a sales pitch
- Keep it casual — no interview vibes
- Deflect compliments, anchor fluff, dig beneath ideas
- Push for commitment and advancement
- Ask "Who else should I talk to?" and "Is there anything else I should have asked?"
After:
- Review notes with your team (same day)
- Update your 3 big questions based on what you learned
- Review which questions worked and which didn't
- Make intro requests while the iron is hot
Signs You're Not Pushing for Commitment
- A pipeline of zombie leads
- Ending product meetings with only a compliment
- Ending meetings with no clear next steps
- Meetings that just "went well"
- They haven't given up anything of value
Results of a Good Meeting
- Facts about their lives and world-views (as opposed to compliments and fluff)
- Commitment to advance to the next step
- Intros to other people you should talk to
The 20 Rules of Thumb (Complete List)
- Customer conversations are bad by default. It's your job to fix them.
- Opinions are worthless.
- Anything involving the future is an over-optimistic lie.
- People will lie to you if they think it's what you want to hear.
- People know what their problems are, but they don't know how to solve them.
- You're shooting blind until you understand their goals.
- Some problems don't actually matter.
- Watching someone do a task will show you where the problems really are, not where the customer thinks they are.
- If they haven't looked for ways of solving it already, they're not going to look for (or buy) yours.
- While it's rare for someone to tell you precisely what they'll pay you, they'll often show you what it's worth.
- People want to help you, but will rarely do so unless you give them an excuse to do so.
- Compliments are the fool's gold of customer learning: shiny, distracting, and worthless.
- The more you're talking, the worse you're doing.
- Ideas and feature requests should be understood, but not obeyed.
- If you've mentioned your idea, people will try to protect your feelings.
- You should be terrified of at least one of the questions you're asking in every conversation.
- There's more reliable information in a "meh" than a "Wow!"
- You always need a list of your 3 big questions.
- Give as little information as possible about your idea while still nudging the discussion in a useful direction.
- "Customers" who keep being friendly but aren't ever going to buy are a particularly dangerous source of mixed signals.
- In early-stage sales, the real goal is learning. Revenue is just a side-effect.
- If it's not a formal meeting, you don't need to make excuses about why you're there or even mention that you're starting a business. Just have a good conversation.
- Kevin Bacon's 7 degrees of separation applies to customer conversations. You can find anyone you need if you ask for it a couple times.
- Keep having conversations until you stop hearing new stuff.
- Go build your dang company already.
One-Paragraph Summary
Every customer conversation defaults to producing lies — not out of malice, but because humans are polite and optimistic. The Mom Test fixes this with three rules: talk about their life (not your idea), ask about the past (not the future), and listen more than you talk. Avoid the three enemies of truth: compliments (deflect them), fluff (anchor it to specifics), and feature requests (dig into the motivation). Always ask questions scary enough to kill your idea. Push every meeting toward commitment — time, reputation, or money — because words are cheap but actions reveal truth. Zombie leads who keep saying nice things but never commit will drown you. Keep conversations casual and frequent rather than formal and rare. Segment your customers until the same patterns emerge across conversations. Bring your whole team into the learning so no one becomes a bottleneck. And when the conversations start repeating themselves, stop talking and go build.
Cliff Notes based on The Mom Test by Rob Fitzpatrick (2013). Buy the book at momtestbook.com.